the exciting return of the blog with....Velocity!

So it's been a year and half since I wrote in the blog. So what better way to come back than with an exciting review of an exciting episode of Velocity. Well, I hope it's exciting, I pick it out at random.

Velocity

-Match One: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs Crash Holly: Chavo starts off cheating, kicking and punching and forearming crash. We're deeply into the "Smackdown Six" era here, so the announcers are talking mostly about the swank tag title tournament. Chavo snaps his neck backwards over the top rope and later hits a neckbreaker. I"ll assume his finisher at this time was the Ghostbuster. Crash attempts a small comeback but is cut off quickly. It's the rare Chavito squash! Crash finally comes back with a back elbow and I start thinking about all the goofy comedy offense he came up with later in his Fed run. I always liked the splash, land on the mat, than hit the splash move. Or the Pre-School, which was the rope walk using the bottom rope. Good times. Anyway, Crash does none of these things and gets dropped with a brainbuster. Decent, but bland

0 for 1

-btw, I'm going to skip the recaps

-Match Two: Albert vs .....wait...he's cutting a promo! Albert cuts down the fact that he's on Velocity. The crowd chants "shave your back" as the Hip Hop Hippo proclaims his sexiness...which is one of those out of nowhere character moments WWE sometimes throws in there. Albert thinking he was sexy lasted about as long as Paul London being a whiney heel ex-Crusierweight champion.

and there is a match. Of course, Funaki is the opponent. This is part, I believe, part of of their best of 95 match series. Funaki avoid a few, before finally getting caught and hit with that Canadian Backbreaker drop. Cole than admits Albert has been battling Funaki forever, and we get the trademark "Albert is a bully" comment from Mark Llyod. Albert misses a charge in the corner and Funaki hits a couple low dropkicks, a legdrop, but get caught trying a cross body. Turned into a DDT, ah yes, this is one of their more classic matches. Funaki sends a shout out to Dick Togo with a couple of sentons. Albert catches him finally, hits the Baldo Bomb and that's it for Smackdown's number one announcer. Will Albert finally be free of Velocity, tune in next week.

1 for 2, decent for the time given, and I like both of 'em, good Velocity fun!

-Match Three, the MAIN EVENT!: Chuck Pulumbo vs Ron Simmons: This was an awkward time for both men. Ron Simmons was post-APA phase where he teamed with D-von, a pairing that the announcers are at a loss to explain. Chuck still has his Billy and Chuck Titantron, but both men were attempted to change their look from AWESOME to serious bad asses. It lasted two seconds. Cole has Simmons "must have realized it was time to get serious and start beating people up", I don't know he ever stopped. Nothing muc happens, as Chuck controls the first few minutes with punches! shoulder blocks and a nice belly to belly. But Simmons takes over and slams Chuck around but gets caught coming off the top with another belly to belly. It's like Kurt Angle trained chuck. Another punch from Chuck and he sets up for the JUGLE KICK. Kick misses, spine buster, and Simmons wins. Wow, it's actually a little surprising how quickly Chuck and Billy got buried once they went straight.

and so ends an exciting episode Velocty. Funaki and Albert was fun, but nothing much else unless you're into lower card workers with no creative direction battling it out. But really, that's half the fun.